My birthday - the big 3-4 :)

When I turned 30 I had a really hard time. I thought my life was set and I did so many "first" in my 20s that I thought there will not be too many changes in my 30s and was depressed about getting older. In my 20s I got married had 2 kids, settled into my career, bought a house, paid off cars. Things were set to roll right into the 30s with little waves, if any. Oh my how life has changed since then... I thought things were so set.

I realize that dreading a 30th birthday is not a popular view for those who are older than I am but it was how I felt 4 short years ago. My dad died when he was 49 and although I assume I will make it passed 49, when I parent dies you inevitably have a number that is engraved in your head of what might be your own fate. Although I don't partake in the habits that he did, that number still lingers out there and with that each birthday I was closer to that number. So 4 year ago I had a really hard birthday. I took the day off to sit on my couch and cry (literally). Each year since then I have just wanted to forget my birthday and just pretend it was just another day.

This year was quite different. Although I didn't want a lot of fanfare or big party I didn't dread it like I have in the past. Although I am now the same age that my husband died at I am so grateful to be here this year. I know that life is precious and each year is a gift. I will not complain about being a year older b/c Craig would have done anything (and DID do everything) he could to see another birthday. So to complain about another birthday would be silly and selfish. It is gift and I thank God for another birthday here on earth. Although this year there was not a little Tiffany's box on the kitchen table with cream color roses from my favorite person on the planet I am still so thankful for all that he has provided. I wore my Tiffany's cross necklace that was my gift last year and thanked God for the wonderful gift of a loving husband that I got to have for 10 married years.

last year:



I notice his handwritting on the card envelope. (sigh)





This is what was in the box. ah and my wedding ring is still on my left hand... (sigh)


We did have a great weekend with dear friends from work and I will update the blog with those notes when I get some picture to accompany that update.

Craig, I missed you on my birthday but I know that we spend more together eventually. love you. :)