Memorial Day Weekend

First things first: Many prayers to the families that have lost loved ones fighting for our freedom. Especially my new FB friend, Jenny, who lost her husband a couple weeks after Craig died. He was doing a tour in Afghanistan and he left behind a wife and two little girls. Prayers that each tear they shed is b/c of a great memory with Nick and each one gets them closer to peace and hope.

Update:
This weekend we were really busy.
Friday - date night with Morgan - see previous post
Saturday - pool time and then a trip to NKY for my cousin, Brian's engagement party. We partied way late and came home late.
Sunday - church and out to lunch with our second fam 
Monday - cleaning the basement and swimming with family

Busy is good right now. This is what "one foot in front of the other" looks like for a mom of three. Although I may be missing Craig like crazy, the option of staying in bed for the day b/c I don't feel like getting up isn't really an option at all.

So we are keeping busy, trying to clear our heads as time allows. The first stage of grief is shock and I really thought that I would have skip this one since the prognosis was grim from the beginning but I can say I am in shock of how different my life looks from the way that I planned it. I am making progress on gain hope back and putting it in God's hands but the thought of "what the heck just happened" lurks often. I can't say that I am excited about Hannah's birthday. On her birthday my life looked "PERFECT." It was exactly what I had planned and she will be 2 in June and my life is so far from what I had planned just a short two years later.

I was hoping this weekend would be time to gain some footing and breath a little easier. That has definitely happened. I talked with my cousin Mike briefly at the party Saturday. We were discussing the roles of money management in a marriage. Craig was quite the saver. I am not a spender but I do like to save my pennies for something fun like a vacation or a trip here and there to make memories as a family. Getting Craig on board with this was a challenge until we went to Hilton Head the first time with both Emily and Morgan in 2008. Once he saw how many memories we made on those trips they were no longer up for debate they were on the annual agenda. So as I thought about how I have been making some of the decision here lately it dawned on me what I was trying to do. I was trying to be two people. Craig and I were the perfect ying and yang when it came to making decisions and trying to pull that off inside my head made me a crazy women. So every time I would think about a decision I would think of my desires and then think what would Craig want us to do. Although this sounds like I am honoring his wishes (which I have) it also is a recipe for disaster. This situation is no where close to where we were 2 years ago. Death of a husband is a game-changer so things have to be looked at differently than if they were looked at by two parents. It is hard to explain without going into details but I need to figure out who I am as a widow and single mom before making decisions. Craig had confidence in me that I could do this and I do too, I just need to gain some footing before I jump into much of anything. Hopefully coming to this conclusion will ease some of the stress lately.

So our weekend was good and busy and we are putting one foot in front of the other and some day... we will just be walking again without having to think about putting one foot in front of the other.... someday..

Craig, if there are blogs in heaven, I love you, I miss you, thank you for instilling confidence in me for the past 10 years and I will see you again...