Perpective

If you haven't gotten some perspective on how fragile life is with the recent event in Newtown CT you must not be paying attention. I didn't watch the news reports after the shooting but I did want to pay my respects to the victims and their families so I looked at their pictures online. I don't understand the grief of losing a child but I understand loss. I pray the family's homes are filled with the Peace and Hope that knowing the Lord can bring.

I have been keeping very busy the last week. Busy is very good right now. The girls are SOOOOO very excited for Christmas. They are going to be thrilled with some of the gifts under the tree. I am so excited to see their faces when they open certain gifts. I have been so very down about this Christmas and not having Craig here. I am not just sad about this Christmas but the fact that I have about 50 more without him before we celebrate together again. I am trying to stay in the moment but it is so very overwhelming to anticipate the future. I worked on Emily's Christmas party at school since I am one of the room moms. I picked out a book and had a craft go along with it. I picked the Legend of the Candy Cane so we could get the true meaning of Christmas integrated in the party. I was down that morning but kept praying for strength so that I could entertain 24 busy little 1st graders. As I pulled out of the neighbor heading to school I peaked over at the cemetery Craig is buried in. There was a funeral on the little hill where the babies are buried. The tiny rack was waiting for the miniature casket to by placed on it and the tent was set up for the family to arrive soon. I prayed in the parking lot before going into the party. As I signed in the school office staff let me know that they were having a lock-down drill 10:15 in the middle of the "Holiday" party. Mr. Morris came over the intercom and informed the building to begin the lock-down drill. The children filed under the corner desk away from the door and Ms. B covered the window on the door. You could hear a pin drop throughout the halls and there was a sobering feeling knowing that some of the classrooms in CT would have heard gunfire throughout their halls just three days prior. The kids weren't rattled at all but the moms that were there to help with the party were. Most commented afterwards they prayed through the whole drill or they would have cried for the full 15 minutes. Life is fragile. I am so incredibly grateful for the family that I have. We mourn the loss of Craig this Christmas and there will be tears but there is so much to be joyful about. My girls are thrilled about the Christmas. They know the true meaning of the holiday and they value the family unit that we have. I loved my girls when we were a family of five but I feel so much more close to them now that I realize how fragile life is. I adore them. They are amazing little people and I am so grateful for the family of four that I have.

The true meaning of Christmas is the birth of Christ. That gives us Hope and Peace in all circumstances. So many of the Christmas special try to say that the meaning of Christmas is spending time with family and friends. While their intentions of trying to get away from the commercialism is at step in the right direction it still falls short of the magnitude of the truth. Although we will miss Craig this Christmas it doesn't take away from the fact that God gave His only Son to us to save us. Even know I will miss Craig for the next 50+ Christmases the fact that at some point I will celebrate with him again and for the following 50,000,000,000+ years brings me great joy. That is the reason that God sent Jesus and that can definitely be celebrated! I am committed to work through the grief of missing my beloved husband and friend but my faith tells me to cherish those who I have with me to celebrate now and focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

Craig, I miss you, the changes in our life are so hard but we are doing well as a "all-girl party"...until we see you again (which btw I was a little disappointed the Mayans were wrong). I can't tell you Merry Christmas or I will break down in tears and Hannah is sitting next to me watching the Grinch for the third time today...love you.