Jonah 4

There have been a lot of blog post rattling around in my head over the last two weeks. The two weeks leading up to derby were filled with to-do list and fun events that left me depleted. Last week I started a new book and was determined to get back in the Word. I was floundering for two weeks of "gotta-get-this-done" I found myself in a very blah place after derby week.

Chapter 4 - Jonah pouts under a tree God provides - B/c of God's amazing grace throughout our journey through cancerland I knew if we could find love, peace and joy in that situation we could in any situation. I knew that it was going to be "okay". So here we sit in "okay" God has come through on every promise that He has made. He has provided for all our needs. I know where Craig is and he is healed. I cling to the Lord each day while raising three little ladies and we are okay. Told ya we'd be okay. But I sit, pout and beg God to bring some the shade just as Jonah did in chapter 4.
Dave explains it a bit better:
http://www.southeastchristian.org/default.aspx?page=4754&series=49
I love Dave's wrap up of why Jonah wrote his book the way he did. I guess that is why I identify with the story and Jonah himself. So imperfect, I get frustrated with staying the course, I pout and beg for shade.

I started the book "Strong Woman, Soft Hearts" last Monday. I haven't gotten very far in it but never the less it is a start. Thursday I went the Facing Adversity group at SE that was such a blessing while Craig was sick. It was awesome to see some of the people that were such a blessing in the dark days. I gave a brief update on our lives since Craig died and a recap of my story to the new people. They were and are such a source of encouragement. One of my friends in the group had an extra ticket to the Third Day concert. Yeah! I went online so many times trying to get tickets to the this sold out show. It was a great concert!
My favorite song was not Third Day but Josh Wilson's "Before the Morning."  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qG1ThtgguE
I love the line, life is not a snapshot. Although the cancer journey was a turning point and an event that will forever change our lives, it is not the end. It is not the end of my story or Craig's. Although we won't know what he is up to until we see him again, we will see him again. I have and will have so much to tell him and he will say next to nothing (ha ha!) but smile and quote movies. Can't wait. :) So the post-cancer story is still a story of trusting the Lord each day. His timing is perfect and His shade when provided is perfect.

Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." kept popping up in random places last week. I kept saying you know the desire of my heart. The timing is not now or the near future but you know my desire so why do I need this scripture this week? We have been over this desire time and time again. So I wrote it down trying to figure it out. TAKE DELIGHT in the LORD. The first step is to take delight in the Lord. Be content in your own current circumstances b/c He is with you. Thank Him for what He has provided. Take Delight before you get to your list of desire.

The second year is hard. It does not have the intensity of year 1, but I am forgetting how sick Craig was and I just miss him. To be painful honest, I just pretended last night that he was at BW3s for a late night with friends. It is not denial, it was just taking a break from reality for an hour. I miss him and I miss the life we had. The journey is to delight in and be thankful for the life that I have now and be hopeful for the life that is in the future but sometimes it takes tears before you can get to that. Tears that heal are not in vain.

We have a lot going on day to day as well as the healing in our hearts. School is wrapping up. Field trips etc. Soccer for Morgan is wrapping up. Emily has a dance. I starting to write some blog post for my workplace, Sheehy + Associates, which has been a lot of fun and a great new challenge. Hannah is still not potty trained, not sure what to do with that girl other than just love her. She has memorized the book Pinkilous. I have been trying to get it to download to YouTube.com but it hasn't worked. Anyway, more to come.

Craig, If there are blogs in heaven, I love you, miss you and will see you again.