Paci, glasses, and another missing tooth

It snowed!! It was beautiful. We were in NKY for my cousin's wedding this past weekend. The snow was a beautiful backdrop to a very special wedding. It was so pretty. Although not really peaceful as we ran from one event to the other but never the less we tried to enjoy the scenery.

I had to document what Hannah asked for from Santa this year. GUM! yes gum. Emily and Morgan asked for American Girl dolls and Hannah requested gum... easy enough. She was so pleased. She also received Bulls-Eye (the horse from Toy Story) but she was pretty excited about the gum. :)

Emily got glasses on Thursday. She doesn't need them to see but she can see much clearer with them and so far tends to wear them 95% of the time. This isn't a great picture but she looks adorable in them. Her front tooth also came out this morning at the breakfast table while eating her frosted wheat squares.

In late December, Joshua, our Elf on the shelf collected all of Hannah pacifiers and took them back to Santa who gave them to a baby that kept crying and crying. Now that that baby has Hannah's pacis she doesn't cry any more. This is a big deal for a 2 1/2 year old with a big paci addiction. She took it pretty well other than yelling at Joshua to give her paci back but after that not too many request. Accepted it like a champ... I really didn't think it would go that well. Honestly I didn't think it would work at all or I might have relished the adorable paci baby face one last time before Joshua took them away.

These are all things that Craig is missing out on. Our girls are growing up one little milestone at time. Although these events are not as monumental as graduations, weddings, first cars but when you have kids these are the little things that you celebrate each day. I celebrate my kids growing and changing b/c they are doing so well but it is so incredibly bitter sweet to see them growing up know what Craig is missing. Emily doesn't even look like the same kids as when Craig was alive. Hannah wasn't even talking and now she is speaking in full paragraphs with words like "decorations". It is so very bitter sweet. Someone said that after the year mark and once I get the first out of the way the grief seems to ease up a bit. I do hope so but I think for the rest of my life as I watch our girls grow into fabulous people it will be bitter sweet. There won't be a missing tooth, a set of braces, a heart break, a great report card, a dance recital, soccer game etc. that I won't think, man Craig is missing it. In March and April it was easier b/c I was basically maintaining the life that we made for our kids. But as time goes on our lives are looking less and less like they did a year ago. The conversations are different, the hopes and dreams have changes. Possibilities are endless and we are open to God's plan whatever that might be. But it is hard. Change is difficult even if is is good change that brings growth. It is hard. There are pieces of our lives that look the same but cancer and death changes EVERYTHING. And when I say everything.... I mean EVERYTHING. The new friendships that I have developed over the last year mean a lot to me but the thought that Craig doesn't even know some of these people still takes me back. For 15 years we ran around in the same circles and shared the same friends but time goes by and things change.

I am rambling. We did have a good Christmas. The girls were so very joyful so I road on their coat-tails for Christmas Day. After that we were prepping for the trip to NKY for the wedding so there wasn't too much time to think about it. New Year's Eve was very hard. To start a year without Craig in my life was a bit overwhelming. There was more to it than that but it was a weepy day but at the end of the day I was grateful to have the life that I do with the friends and family that I love. I did see midnight but it was cozy in my bed on the phone with a dear friend.

I am hopeful for 2013 in many ways. I am not sure how much to share on this blog besides grief and the great things the girls are doing but I will share that I am praying for continual healing so that our family will eventually be joined with another family (cue Brady bunch theme music...) or if God so chooses a Godly man that doesn't have children of his own that is fine too. Whatever the case I pray for a year of healing so that we can eventually welcome that addition. God made certain people to be wives and I am just one of those people. I love being a part of a team and I pray that God doesn't wait a ton of years to send someone special to our household.

Anyway. Just wanted to update a little bit. Our Christmas was peaceful and joyful, thank you for the prayers. Please pray for continual healing so that we can welcome God's plan for our future.